Musings from this evening's conductor of the Brooklyn-bound F train.
"This is a Brooklyn-bound sardine can. Squeeze in and stand clear of the closing doors… You’re not squeezing hard enough."
"Would the gentleman in the Barney dinosaur outfit please remove his tail from the closing doors."
"Due to the economic-crisis, some of the passengers have been downsized. Please get off at Broadway-Lafayette and report to the non-transportation office in the morning."
"This is East-Broadway. If you missed any of the fascinating stations on the way, there’s an uptown train across the platform."
"The next stop is York St, the first stop in the borough of Brooklyn, the 4th largest city in the U.S."
(In a cartoon Brooklyn accent)”Eh dis is Jay St-Borough hall. Dis is a Coney Island-bound F train. Next stop is Boigen St.”
(Darth Vader voice) “This is Bergen St. May the farce be with you.”
"This is Carroll St which I was told by a passenger was named after the only Roman Catholic signer of the Declaration of Independence. You can also transfer here for Queens, which was named after Freddy Mercury."
"Please sir, move your dinosaur tail so we can start moving."
(Train goes above ground)”This is Smith & 9th. It’s a beautiful sunny day so I’m assuming you Twilight fans are wearing your sunblock.”